My experience with depression: A dark pit of continuous turture

Just like the picture used for this article depicts, depression reduces you to a mere skeleton suffering under tremendous heat - depicted in flames.

I know my blog is known for football articles but I often time share my personal stuff, which is why the slogan for my blog is "sharing passion". My passion is not just football, infact my greatest passion is Jesus Christ. He is my obsession. Not football or anything else. Jesus Christ comes first. So in this article, I am going to be narrating how I suffered under the bondage of not just an ordinary depression but chronic depression. When I mean chronic, it means it led to strong suicidal thoughts.

My battle with depression started after I suffered a chronic illness sometimes around 2020-2021. It was after the illness I started battling with depression. Prior to the year 2020, I had never for once experienced depression.

I would normally find it difficult to get out of bed in the morning whenever the feeling of depression overwhelmed me. And in most cases my sleep will be distorted. Meaning I won't be able to enjoy sleep. 

I remember a time around 2021, the feeling of depression was so strong on me that I left the house to go into the market to buy a popular rat poison in a bid to drink it and end it all. When you are depressed the future looks entirely hopeless a false picture Satan implants in your mind. I will come to this but let me continue the gist. So after I bought the poison, I took it home. I went into my room and for close to three hours I was holding the bottle close to my mouth contemplating on whether to drink or not. God really loves me otherwise the devil would have won the battle that day. 

So after battling on whether to drink or not for hours, I finally decided for my family it's not worth it. I just can't fully explained what really stopped me from taking the poisonous liquid that day but I know it was God. I finally summoned up courage and told my parents because I was still living with my parents at the time. They collected the poisonous liquid from me and then prayed for me. I felt a little peace and hope in my mind but the devil will come another day.

So this day, I felt the strong urge again to commit suicide. This time around I thought carefully about a method that will be suitable outside drinking poisonous liquid and came to a conclusion that I will wander in the bush and hope a ritualist or wild animal devour me. So I left home again and told my parents I want to go see a friend but I lied to them. I was on a suicide mission. 

I started wandering in the bush for hours but nothing evil happened to me instead I found myself break out from the bush into the gateway of the town. I was disappointed. I wanted death and death alone. Then again it dawned on me that God really wants me alive for His purpose but the devil was trying to make me not fulfill that purpose. So after I broke out to town from the bush I sighted a mountain close by so I just climbed and prayed on it for some hours and when the day was almost out I decided to head back home. By this time my parents were already worried about my whereabout because they had reached out to virtually all my friends I usually visit and all of them said I wasn't in their place.

Long story short I got home told my parents everything. They thanked God for bringing me home and gave me food to eat because I was really famished I had left home sometime around 1pm to return by 6:30pm. 

After that day, the heaviness of depression left me but again the devil just wouldn't give up he would constantly cast the feeling on me and I would struggle all day to get out of bed. But one thing was also constant, the Lord was always bringing me out of depression Everytime the devil casted it on me. Making me recollect the scripture that says, "Many are the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord delivers him from them all." [Psalm 34:19]

I don't know about anyone reading this piece but if you have ever been depressed before my stories will resonate well with you. In fact, many times when I feel depressed I begin to envy the dead wishing I was one of them. The devil was having a laugh and enjoyment but I always had the last laugh. Always. 

This is to encourage anyone feeling depressed for whatever reason at this moment that God is not far from you. The bible says, God is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. So all you need do is cry out for help. If there is one thing I always do Everytime I am depressed is I cry out to God for help. Because I know that state of mind is not God's will for me. God's will for me is that I live a happy and prosperous life. 

Just know one thing, every thought you experience while depressed is a lie from the pit of hell. Satan will try his best to paint a hopeless future for you but with God there is always hope for the hopeless.

So if you feel depressed, aside talking to family or closed ones about it, tell it to God your Maker. He is more than willing to help.

I hope this piece has blessed you. If you know anyone who is depressed, you can share this piece with the person and I am trusting the Lord to bring the person out of the pit just by reading this piece.

God bless you and don't always forget: Jesus loves you so so much!

From your friend and brother, 

Godwin Odiko